Thursday, May 22, 2003

Billmon thinks he's found the right man to be Shrubco's next Press Secretary:

From: Mohammed Saeed al-Sahhaf []
Date: Monday May 19, 2003 1:17:53 PM US/Eastern
To: White House Director of Personnel []
Subject: Employment Opportunity

Your Excellency;

It is my understanding that due to a pending departure from your staff, you are in need of a qualified press spokesman. I would like to offer myself as a candidate for this position.

As you will see from my attached resume, I have extensive experience as a government communicator, most recently as the Minister of Information for a major Middle Eastern country.

In this position, I took a lead role in defending my country's President against widespread allegations of corruption, abuse of power and gross violations of human rights and civil liberties. Using a variety of forged intelligence materials, I also planned and executed a comprehensive communications strategy designed to manipulate public opinion in support of aggressive war.

In the domestic arena, my team was responsible for obscuring the economic decline of our country and the pillaging of its natural resources by well-connected insiders. We also prepared reports, press releases and other disinformation materials designed to justify tax and regulatory policies that overwhelmingly favored those same insiders.

Finally, working with my country's controlled media, I helped create a cult of personality around our President -- portraying him to the nation as both a wise and benevolent leader and a heroic military man.

Unfortunately, due to a sudden regime change, I am currently seeking new employment opportunities -- ideally in a country outside the jurisdiction of the International Criminal Court. I believe my specialized skills could prove very useful to your administration.

If you would like to discuss your hiring needs further, please reply by return e-mail.


Mohammed Saeed al-Sahhaf